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Who's More Godlike? Tom Brady or Jesus?

Football and Salvation Ruminations.

by Horse Dancer

Posted on February 27, 2017

Creation of Brady

Driving down the road the day before Super Bowl "LI" this year, I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me that read, "WWJD?" This acronym was trending a few years ago, and quite honestly, I think it should not be just a fad. For those of you gentle readers who do not know the acronym, it stands for "What Would Jesus Do?". It is an urban reminder to help keep the general public's behavior and manners in line.

Fast forward two days later, I began to daydream and began to think that perhaps I should design a bumper sticker that states "WWBD?". This, of course, is an acronym for "What Would Brady Do?". After all, when one thinks of omnipotent, Brady's impressive Super Bowl record as quarterback for the New England Patriots comes to mind.

Let's talk about this man. The man obviously has balls. It looks like they were fully inflated last Sunday when the New England Patriots earned their fifth Super Bowl victory. It seems that the outcome for this win was one of those where they made a huge comeback after succumbing to a 28-3 cesspool start. Cesspool or not, they emerged victorious once more. Tom Brady is the man. The game appeared to be a big bait and switch commercial for the Atlanta Falcons.

Maybe it's not just about Brady's balls; maybe Brady is a God. Perhaps Tom Brady is Football God of the Secular, just like Jesus Christ is God of the non-Secular.

How Do These Two Super Beings Compare?

Jesus Christ


  • An Omnipresent Holy Deity that Saves Souls (i.e., non-Secular and theological)
  • Renditions of the Savior reveal glorious locks of hair and modest sandals
  • This fearless leader and healer led twelve devoted followers, later suffering betrayal and perfidy
  • Jesus Christ is not currently present in flesh. Unfortunately, for many, out of sight means out of mind. Hence, this tenet earns only a .5 star. Rising from the dead kind of scares fans too.
  • Jesus Christ performs his miracles based on his will and in his timing.

Tom Brady


  • An omnipotent human deity who saves Patriots (i.e., secular, separation of church and state)
  • Television and print journals reveal short tresses, shaven chiseled jaw, and cleated sneakers
  • An athletically inclined mortal who leads a group of eleven shoulder-padded, helmeted, overly virile testosterone-driven hulks in human form
  • Tom Brady has teammates who, although they drop the ball literally, he has never had to worry about a Peter ratting him out or a Judas delivering him into the hands of the enemy. That is generally done by the powers that be in the NFL.
  • Finally, we analyze the abstraction that tips the popularity monitor in his favor: Tom Brady is a servant of the people who catches Hell if he does not deliver. Jesus Christ, on the other hand, has the power to put us in Hell if we do not follow his lead.

So, who are you going to cheer for here? A cross-bearing miracle worker and healer who wants us to follow him into a trouble-free Utopia? He is the only one that holds the Judgment Cards and that's scary for many.

Brady, on the other hand, is the leader incarnate who must do our bidding or be shamed into the Hall of Infamy. We, the football fans, hold the Judgment Cards each time we measure the size of Brady's balls

Written By Horse Dancer

Ride like the wind but use the right foot.